it has been a trying week.
to be very honest and precise,
it was like since 2 weeks ago?

life's starting to take a turn.
there are more things on hand which reduces my studying/leisure activities time.
it's finally the moment to execute good discipline and smart time management.
the only ordeal is how to surpass the temptation of the flesh to go out and play and socialise?

alright. so i am playful. i am still in semi-holidaying mood.
HAHAHA.
at least i do my tutorials, i tried to study for my tests and such.

it really sucks to have to keep pushing yourself beyond your limits.
like when you're eyes are pressing to close, your brain is begging to rest,
you'd just have to P.U.S.H. [this is also an abbreviation for pray until something happens!]

first and foremost, my mind's not at peace.
i feel this horrible uneasiness deep down my heart, like, HEY YOU NEED TO LET IT GO.
there are several factors for this.

firstly, i felt like i've let someone in particular down.
are you sad? heartbroken? disappointed? felt cheated?
:(

secondly, i felt like i've let a few more others down.
did you guys feel cheated?

all i can do is to apologise and ask that you will understand,
feelings are hard to control.
and this time, it's something more.
i can't explain but i know God can.
and God has it all in for me.

thirdly, i feel like i'm no longer free to go off, free to smile, free to cry, free to get wild anymore.
it's like placing a cap on the bottle, and the carbon dioxide can no longer escape.
if you keep the gas in for too long, my boy,
the bottle may eventually explode.

OH WELL.
LIFE GOES ON RIGHT.
AND THERE ARE MANY WHO ARE HAPPY FOR ME.
perhaps, i'm still not ready yet.

like what i've said to you,
i'm not ready for a new one.
i'm still so.
i dunno.

don't bother waiting.
i may not return.