i'm currently listening to a duet sang by Jackie Cheung and Regina.

the song goes like this,

"I will always love you,
I will always stay true.
There's no one who loves you like I do."

"I will never leave you,
I will stay here with you.
Through the good and bad times I'll stay true."

We used to sing this song.
And we love this special song.

and just a while ago, i was listening to "It's you I've loved" by Dana Glover.
it's really sweet and true.
i'll upload it on my blog as soon as HDD web upload works again.

I just feel so lethargic. [is this how you spell it?]
my strength dissipating.
why.
why.

i don't know.

for the first time, i have nothing to look forward to after choir practice.
for the first time, i feel so lonely.
for the first time, i think i am free but i am not.

everyone has their first time.
everyone deals with it calmly.
and i think i am too.

i'm unexpectedly "cheerful" in school today.
my classmates thought that i was no laughing as much just because i've fallen ill.
True. But not quite.

perhaps i shouldn't have blurt out what was bothering me.
why am i so "ready" to unleash my feelings all of a sudden.
to be honest, i'm not close to them.
and yet i can feel God tell me, "Let it out,amanda."

is it just my hallucination?
is it factual?

what am i talking about?
i have no idea.

i know this post is awfully long.
i'm sorry if you feel that i'm wellow-ing in self-pity.
perhaps i am.

i feel like just saying so much on my blog.
i guess there's a time when people would like to do so too.

i've been happy for too long.
why, you may ask.
the reason?
i don't know how to explain it.

but i think my good friends may know the reason.

Thank You Lord.
For all the love You've freely given me.
For all the blessings bestowed upon me.
For always being a loving Father.
For being my closest friend.
You watch over me when i was in lecture, deep in my thoughts.
I've been provided with good company.
Thank You Lord.
May Your Will be done.

i think i finally can feel my heart "crack".
haha.
it's quite a weird feeling.
so much pain.
yet unable to do anything to make yourself better.
and you tell yourself,
cos of love,
you have to let go.

haha.

yeah and i go on.
or rather, time goes on.

hope things will be back to normal again.
but i wish you happiness.
i'll still praying for you every night,
cos i remember of the eternity i've dreamt of.